Reflecting on My Anatomy Course Experience
When Success Isn’t an Option: Why I Risked a Zero to Save My Sanity
COVID, a 39% on My First Lab Practical, and the Day I Chose Myself.
Imagine missing the first two weeks of one of the toughest courses in college, only to return and score a disheartening 39.13% on your first lab practical. That was my reality in anatomy—a class that demanded near perfection while I was struggling just to keep up.
Then came the defining moment of my semester: two major exams scheduled back-to-back on the same day. Both were make-or-break for my grade, but deep down, I knew I couldn’t handle both. So, I made an unthinkable decision—I skipped a lecture exam worth 50% of my grade. It wasn’t an easy choice, but it completely shifted my perspective on resilience, priorities, and what it truly means to show up for yourself when the odds are stacked against you.
This is my fall from grace.
Hi, I’m Carolyn, and I Care to Be a Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist.
I’m 30 years old, and if you’re counting, I’ve dropped out of college four times. A quick glance at my DegreeWorks might make you think it’s a relic from another era—I first started my undergraduate journey back in 2013. Over a decade, four major changes, and countless twists later, I’ve finally found my footing in kinesiology.
The path hasn’t been smooth, but my story isn’t about perfection or taking the conventional route. It’s about resilience, growth, and learning to move forward—even when life throws one curveball after another. Along the way, I’ve mastered the art of the comeback. Who knew resilience would turn out to be my unofficial major.
The interesting thing about dropping out of college four times is the perspective you gain along the way. When I started Clinical Anatomy, I knew it would be a challenging course—but I didn’t fully grasp the stakes until I read the syllabus. This class didn’t use a plus-minus grading system; it was all or nothing. With that in mind, I made a choice: I focused all my energy on recovering from COVID instead of stressing over narrowly defined grade distinctions.
Interestingly, some faculty believe that plus-minus grading motivates students by encouraging consistent effort throughout the semester. But for me, the absence of that system was a relief—it gave me the flexibility to prioritize my health without the added pressure of splitting hairs over grades.
The semester began under a cloud of uncertainty. After battling COVID and missing the first two weeks of classes, I started Clinical Anatomy already behind, stumbling to catch up. Then came the first lab practical—a complete disaster that left me questioning whether I could survive this class. As if that wasn’t enough, the instructors soon announced a major change to the schedule. They said it was meant to help students by better aligning lecture and lab material, but for me, it felt like another wave crashing down. The adjustment meant the final lecture exam and last lab practical would now land on the same day—a challenge that seemed impossible to face.
I had already missed so much, and now the stakes were higher than ever. For weeks, I wrestled with a decision that felt heavier with every passing day. Should I cut my losses and withdraw from the class? Or should I dig in, risk everything, and try to overcome the seemingly insurmountable odds? Each option carried its own weight, but this wasn’t just about a grade. It was about what I believed I was capable of, whether I could recover from yet another setback, or whether it was time to walk away and start over—again.
In the end, I decided to stay. I didn’t want another withdrawal on my record, another loose thread in the tangled story of my education. It wasn’t just about resilience—it was about proving to myself that I could keep moving forward, even when the odds weren’t in my favor. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, and it wasn’t. But sometimes, showing up and trying is the only way to find out what you’re capable of.
When the day arrived, I made a split-second decision: I skipped the lecture exam and chose to focus solely on the lab practical. It wasn’t something I had planned, but as the moment drew closer, the weight of my testing anxiety became impossible to ignore. The demands of both exams—conceptual mastery for the lecture and precise application for the lab—were too much to face back-to-back. I knew that attempting both would likely push me past my limits.
Up until that point, I had done everything I could to keep myself afloat. Weekly assignments? I had nearly perfect marks. Participation? Solid. Lab practicals? Tough, but I was holding steady. But when it came to the lecture exams, the stakes were undeniable. It was worth 50% of my final grade —a huge hit to take. On the other hand, the lab practical, while not quite as heavily weighted, demanded an entirely different type of preparation and focus.
I took a deep breath and asked myself: What is realistic right now? What choice will allow me to keep moving forward? After weighing my options, I decided to forgo the lecture exam and pour everything I had into the lab practical. My mental health, my ability to think clearly, and my sheer capacity to endure the day depended on it.
With that decision made, I dove headfirst into preparing for the lab practical. But as I reviewed, my phone buzzed. It was an email from my lab instructor, politely asking if I had gotten lost—or perhaps forgotten we had an exam. The practical was being held in the nursing building instead of the usual lecture hall, but I knew that. I wasn’t wandering around campus confused. I was sitting in the computer lab, fully aware of the choice I’d made—and equally aware of the weight it carried.
It wasn’t an easy decision. I knew there would be consequences. Some might call it reckless, others might say it was a moment of clarity. But for me, it was about choosing what I could handle and protecting my ability to keep going.
You might be thinking: So you bombed your first practical, started two weeks behind, and still decided to take a zero on a final exam worth 50% of your grade? No wonder it’s taken you ten years to finish your undergraduate degree.To which I’d say this: each time I dropped out, I left in good standing, and I stood by my mantra—“Care to Be.”
Caring to be isn’t about perfection. It’s about leaving the door open, about showing up and reinventing yourself at any moment. It’s about doing everything with care, no matter how messy or imperfect it looks in the moment. Because when you care—when you try, when you press forward, when you bet on yourself—you’re choosing growth. And sometimes, that’s what matters most.
It’s also about seeing where you’re cared for. Funny enough, I’m sure there’s a reason why some classes use plus-and-minus grading while others stick to whole letter grades. Clinical Anatomy is hard—really hard—and there’s a reason the university cared enough to keep a traditional scale. Maybe it’s their way of acknowledging the challenge, of saying, We see you. We know this course demands everything, so we’ll give you room to stumble, learn, and stand up again.
And honestly? I think that’s the point of learning. Not perfection, but progress.
Choosing my Battles
As I entered the lab, my lab instructor gave me a curious look and asked, “Wait, did you take your lecture exam?” She already knew the answer—I wasn’t there—but it seemed like she wanted to hear it directly from me. Her reaction made it clear that skipping the lecture exam wasn’t something she encountered often, but I stood by my choice. I knew it was the right decision to focus on one challenge at a time rather than risk falling apart under the pressure of both.
As I turned off my phone and put all my study materials away, Ali and Jake started questioning my decision:
Me:
I decided to skip the lecture exam. I have a B in the course, and I know the zero will drop me to a C, but I can’t handle both tests. My anxiety is just too much!
Ali:
Wait—what? You’re really okay with this? If you don’t pass the practical, you could end up repeating the course. That’s risky!
Jake:
Hold on—do you realize the lecture exam weighs more than the practical?
Me:
Yes, I know! I already calculated my grades in Canvas, used the what-if scores, and everything. *Unless those are wrong,*I’m confident in my decision. I’ll pass the practical—I know I will.
68 questions later, the practical was finally over. How do I know? Because Jake, in his signature style, ended the PowerPoint with a massive, adorable meme of a superhero screaming, “It’s finally over!” After 45 seconds per slide, and 1 minute per physical station, frantically identifying structures, that meme felt like the most reassuring thing I’d seen all day. Leave it to Jake to lighten the mood at the end of a high-pressure exam.
Ali posted the grades that same evening, and it turns out I missed 25 questions—far more than the 17 I had accounted for when self-grading and weighing the odds before the exam. Maybe I wasn’t as ready as I’d hoped. But, after an 8.30-point drop, I still passed the class with a solid C. Not ideal, but a pass is a pass.
Caring Reflections
Reflecting on this moment, I realize how much resilience and self-awareness it took to make that decision. When I scored a 39.13 on the first lab practical, I could have dropped the course entirely, but I chose to stay and push through. Even though I didn’t perform as well as I wanted on the final lab practical, I still stand by my decision to skip the lecture exam. It was a calculated choice based on what I knew I could handle and what was realistic for me at the time.
If this had been a plus and minus grading system, I might have approached things differently, knowing that even small shifts in percentages could have impacted my final grade more severely. However, working within the framework of a standard grading scale, I prioritized my mental health and focused on completing the semester as best as I could. This experience reminded me that resilience isn’t about being perfect or excelling in every moment—it’s about staying the course, adapting to challenges, and making thoughtful decisions that align with your long-term goals.
I’ve learned that even when the results aren’t ideal, the process of showing up, making intentional choices, and finding lessons in setbacks is where real growth happens. Bombing that first practical and underperforming on the last one didn’t define me—they were just steps along the way to learning what I’m capable of and how I can improve moving forward.
I have seen a lot of growth in you this semester, I hope you are proud of everything you are accomplishing. This was a very tough course and you showed lots of perseverance and resilience, which are very admirable qualities.” - Ali Hibbard, B.S.